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QuanBlog Emotion Spring 2021

Each time we get to this week in ORM, I think about Mariah Carey’s Emotions. Yes, it is a quick and simple association. Our souls speak to us in flashes of associations. I call them downloads. ‘You got me feeling emotions/deeper than I’ve ever dreamed of/You’ve got me feeling emotions/Higher than the heavens above’---sure these lyrics seem basic from an ego’s analysis that often wants to impress other egos. Our egos need to feel special. However, from our soul’s perspective emotions can highlight the feelings of high (blissful and shameless) to deeper (in the body and often whispered about).

The lyrics are switched from ‘I don’t know if it’s real/but I like the way you feel inside’ but the lyrics read “I don’t know if it’s real but I like the way it feels inside” The first time this hook is sung, she says ‘you feel inside’; the second time she sings ‘it feels inside’. Yes, I am talking about the shame our collective egos place on unapologetic sex and the pleasure that it can bring. It is a thirty year old pop tune, yet it speaks volumes of how we view emotions. How we repress and suppress them---even if it was a ‘mistake’ for Ms. Carey to alter the words, in the soul’s realm there are no mistakes, only opportunities for growth. Analyzing this song has lessons on how you feel about your own pleasure? Can anyone really make you feel anything emotionally? Or is there a matching of energies? Do we not attract what is it we most need to learn, certainly from the soul’s perspective? Some lesson needing to be learned? We call this ‘growing pains’ for a reason. It’s often said pain creates art. Art (and music) is our soul speaking to us.

The more provocative, the more jarring, the more likely it gets our ego’s attention

Our early morning snow on the anniversary eve of Prince’s drug overdose (wow, first time I wrote that), inspired me as I awakened to play ‘Sometimes It Snows In April’. Let’s examine these beautiful lyrics from the viewpoint of the ego and soul in order to understand how to move between and balance our soul and ego dance (lyrics will be in italics).

“Tracy died after a long fought civil war”

Our Civil War is between our egos and souls, us and our thinking. Our souls are like a smartphone whose recorder app has been left on---because from our soul’s point of view it is always on. The soul records all feelings and thoughts---have enough of the wounded-past-is-prologue and your life will resemble a song on continual replay---a painful song. Wasn’t the Blues, Country and Opera created for this very reason---’my baby done left me’, ‘I’ll Die for you’---cry, lie and kill for you too.. At some point your ego has to grow tired, feel enough pain or have an ‘inexplicable’ accident so that it begins to ask different questions. Or turn, tune and reflect on the soul’s smartphone recording app, yes? It is said that ‘hope springs eternal’. Let’s hope so.

The snow in April is a symbol of the unexpected cold and isolation that our egos (sometimes) needs for contemplating how to bring more warmth and joy into our lives. Recognizing paradox and ‘coincidences’ as key components to this evolution, we can begin to sing soulful songs of learning our lessons---to the ego that can feel like a child being told to eat their veggies.. In this state, our ego seeks to bridge its narrow reality to the broader and more inclusive reality our souls show. Our ego sees the merit in growth. Trust ensues between the ego and soul, the civil war begins to end. Unifying these parts of our energetic being asks that we have ‘an attitude of gratitude’. Adversity brings our souls’ awareness to our ego. Tavish and I speak about how grateful we have lives that we’ve constructed to reflect on the matters that ORM brings to light.

Leaving Behind Resistance---Allowing Our Souls To Lead

With enough cajoling, the ego eventually has to leave its old ways behind. It’s not enough to say someone of a ‘certain age’ or ‘you know their generation feels (fill in the blank)’. The soul continues to strategize about each ego’s evolution. Growth is a major foundation of the mission our souls provide and inspire.

Civil War between ego and soul demonstrates the death of Tracy (ego). This transformation leads to ‘I guess he’s better off than he was before/A whole lot better off than the fools he left here’. These leftover fools are the unaware, the sleepwalking, in essence, those who have been possessed by ego (which is still rewarded in Western world). Possession shows itself through being the ‘control freak’ leaving nothing to chance because you’re driven by a fear of loss---status, love, money, position, youth etc. Once the ego has mutated (or at the very least has had a soul-filled experience that cannot be rationalized away), like Tracy---you leave, ego dies for deeper truths.


‘I used to cry for Tracy cause I want to see him again/But sometimes, sometimes life ain’t always the way’---regrets and focusing upon loss moves us to see how much life we’ve been ignoring, suppressing or repressing. ‘Always cry for love/never cry for pain’ illuminates our souls speaking to us, hopeful that we’ll absorb the energies of loss to see the gain inherent in it. Granted this takes time, intention and aligning with an intention to evolve and trust that there is a purpose to our lives---even when and especially if our egos cannot immediately see what the mission is. Some of our most painful lessons may also be humorous---as it’s been said that ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. With conscious aligned intention we may move beyond any wound into light.

Oppression Breeds Spirituality: Oppression-Suppression-Repression-Depression

Again, our souls speak through paradox---for example ‘oppression builds spirituality’. Huh? WTF?

I often dream of heaven/I know that Tracy’s there/I know that he’s found another friend/Maybe he’s found the answer to the April snow/Maybe one day I’ll see my Tracy again

Once we allow our life to be soul guided, we are truly awaring. Awaring is a state of perpetual connection. Awaring can mean that you do not say ‘you never know’, you say ‘I wait for my soul to reveal what’s best for me to know’. Waiting or accepting oppression does not mean there is no action. Action comes after reflection upon and alignment with your intention. Intention gets us closer to our own personal heaven on Earth. Our Civil War ends. We find another friend (like-minded folx). The answer to April snow is shared with us. We live a more unique life. We can still feel bad, but we don’t loop or get stuck there. We don’t play those old records that our Mentors put on our ego’s record player.

He used to stay so strong/Unafraid of to die unafraid of the death/Left me hypnotized/Now staring at his picture I realized/No one could cry the way my Tracy cried.

Our oppressions can hypnotize us into believing that there is only one way to live. These can cause suppression, repression and depression---Oh-So-Re-De. Sometimes the only way for our ego to cross the abyss to the soul is through Oh-So-Re-De.

We locate the freedom in our oppression. This is not to say or intimate that there is ‘fun’ in being oppressed. However, there are lessons inherent in it. Would we have ‘Negro Spirituals’ if it weren’t for the ‘peculiar institution’ of slavery? Probably not. Or the Underground Railroad? Those in pain and oppression can teach those who are privileged compassion, grace and love. Now, it is not on those who are oppressed to have this as a goal---to teach those who are ‘free’ anything. Yet, our souls give us many opportunities to learn how to allow collateral benefits to grow much like stock dividends from a IPO (Initial Public Offering).

FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) & Additional Notes

Springtime was always my favorite time of year/A time for lovers holding hands in the rain/Now, springtime only reminds me of Tracy’s tears/Always cry for love/never cry for pain.

From our soul’s perspective there is only love and multitude of feelings that foster support, freedom and joy. Without gratitude, there can be no joy. Without gratitude, we get caught in our minds separated from our physical bodies (remember Mariah Carey’s Emotions). We experience shame and guilt which leads to Oh-So-Re-De. Our oppressions, although self-evident, cannot be the last word. Our souls know that life is never ending. We cry for love. It’s our egos that side-eyes both awarenesses. It’s our egos that through fear, be that FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) or YOLO (You Only Live Once), keeps us locked in a state of Oh-So-Re-De. Once we turn on our soul’s light, we can still feel all the feels, but we feel them for shorter and shorter time periods as we allow ourselves to be bathed in our soul’s love. Do we not all want more love? More joy? Both of these virtues grow when shared from the part of our pure and unwounded hearts (I know Tracy’s in heaven).

‘Sometimes it snows in April/Sometimes I feel so bad/Sometimes I wish that life was never ending/But all things all good things never last/Love isn’t love until its past’

To recognize your better fortunes in the moment that they happen is similar to sitting and saying grace at your Thanksgiving table. For the non-affiliated (nones who profess no religion) it can be like that perfect combination of your physical senses being satisfied---that you want to sleep.

Although the soul has many layers of nuance similar to that ‘annoying’ song getting stuck in our head as a loop, it is extremely important to acknowledge the interconnection of all living beings (animals included). Or constantly seeing 11:11 (or any other numerical ‘synchronicities’. As we evolve do we not make best efforts to place ourselves into situations that bring growth? We have so many words for love---it certainly is worn out, overused and often misapplied. Unlike the Greeks who have nearly 100 words that mean ‘love’. Take our less than 250 year old nation (forever coupled with Puritan work ethic and Protestant repressions and it is not a big leap to see why and how Mariah would shift the lyrics from ‘you inside’ (a no-no) to ‘it inside’ (double meaning aside) can be applicable.

Point? Ego often prides and values logic over feelings and emotions. How else can you explain teachers getting paid less money than police officers or child care workers at the low end of the pay scale? Feelings are devalued. Love is love even before it’s past, especially when logic does not rule supreme.



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