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Quan Blog: Conflict Winter 2021_2

Feeding and Hearing our Egos & Souls: Flowing with Life & Death


Gotta admit, yep, when a lawyer begins anything in a confessional mode, be wary. That is, be-ware. Naw, simply take a long three to four count of Our Raw Material (ORM) breath. Conscious breathing below the navel is recommended. Remember to relax your shoulders. Prepare for unexpected truths or what Tavish and I have come to call ‘Baba Truth Bombs’. My favorite four legged child showed his psychic prowess during the pandemic. Whenever he would walk upstairs to my Zoom office, the sessions would have just taken a turn towards the ‘invisible/visible’, ancestors and collective consciousness be present! Nothing changed. He has become more attuned. For the unaware, Babatunde means ‘Father Returns’ in Yoruba. He got his first name because he looks uncannily like my other cat Bella Luna Gia (who passed away from cancer over eight years ago). I valued my relationship with Bella, but as a rescue it missed certain ideals. Our household only knows Babatunde, and he us.


Know that Values & Ideals sets up Conflict—as easily as you learn eight follows seven or ocho sigue siete—you learn to surrender to the rhythm. This interpersonal rhythm of embodying your values, living them in your daily life. Much like our collective, rooted and yes, soulful lessons of Black Lives Matter (and those variations upon this theme–even the ignorant blue one), we recognize Conflict when we are ready to stand up for something that is (or at least appears to our egos) larger than us.


Starting with the mirror and who’s the fairest of us all, these conflicts tend to begin with the skin we come in—it’s no coincidence that ‘skin in the game’ speaks to how much you have invested in a struggle or battle. Yes, I feel that the best wars and conflicts are those we avoid in the first place—but how much learning would happen if we did that? Not as much. We need to look at the fairest, the seemingly easiest of all and see how far we are NOT that. Yes, in the beginning of this exercise our egos seem to be in full control. Realize, though, that the linear quality of pure ego turns back on itself without the deepening of our roots and soul.


When you no longer care as much for appearances, status, recognition, money or dominance, you can start to relax your mind. Doesn’t mean that the mirror is no longer important. However, you begin to see yourself reflected in all with whom you meet. Today, I went all Week 9 (Intention) to make a couple of errands run more smoothly. I set the Intention on ‘Flow’. Sometimes I wear a color that symbolizes ‘Flow’. It was a black and royal blue fleece jacket. Not only did I get a parking space in front of the T-Mobile establishment on the Plaza, but the woman who helped me had the same color of blue intertwined in her braids. In less than 30 sections, I mentioned ‘oh, you got the memo, huh?’ she smiled and said ‘yes, I did’. After we realized how we liked seeing ‘coincidences’ she went on to replace my screen protector. Yes, our egos can think that she would be complementary because I have the power to give my feedback on service. Yet, when you communicate from your soul’s voice, other souls hear it. BTW, she got a review that exceeded my expectations (even though I didn’t know the exact model of my phone, hello Week Four/Ignorance). She went through two other screen protectors before landing on the correct one. I reassured her that this was the universe’s balancing of my movement through time (my flow). In exchange for getting ‘rock star’ parking the keg is often needing to be replaced or in this case–what ought to be (Ideals Week Seven) a routine stop for a screen protector becomes protracted. We chatted about the nature of patience, her name was a favorite singer of mine and how I am in no rush. All was left well at T-Mobile by me on this winsome Wednesday.


I left T-Mobile to go to EmpowerKC. Once a month I work with a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner and see some of her patients. Sue and I had a number of discussions about whether to call the people I see in her office ‘patients’ or ‘clients’. As Astrology predates Psychology, these discussions mirror Week Seven of Values and Ideals along with Week Nine Intention. We decided to call them patients. Clients have more control and choice as to whether to see me in my office or not. Some of her patients must see her for prescriptions. We Align With Intention (Week 11) for our innovative work to simply be another tool in everyone’s quest and embodiment of Wholeness (Week 12) .In an ideal world, a majority of psychologists would use astrological language to get to the roots of their patients’ challenges.


I value that she sits and takes notes on our sessions. We create ‘homework’. Homework is much like what we suggest for self-monitoring using ORM. After all, awaring is awaring is awaring. Sometimes homework overlaps with ORM, sometimes not. After a number of seasons of Wholeness/Week 12, I have no idea anymore what will fall out of my mouth as a present moment exercise for anyone, anymore. This ‘not-knowing’ but intending only to be of heartfelt aka soulful service to everyone in front of me is enough. To have someone in a secular field recognize the value of Our Raw Material, Astrology and Tarot is also an ideal (Week Seven, as encore anyone?).


Enter a patient with Stage 4 breast cancer with three boys under the age of 11. As Tavish has modeled and suggested, I breathe in soul energies before every appointment for the clients. Our Conflict (Week Eight) between ego building and ego death is rampant in our culture. This early 40’s mother has confronted her fears of death up to a point where she has taken it upon herself to write letters that her sons will read at certain ages. One communication (so far) that has had the most impact upon my soul is that the mother of boys will write a letter that contains a $20 bill on their 21st birthday, so she will buy them their first drink.


I must admit that I have a Conflict with Western medicine. I want them to find a cure for her now! But, that’s my ego talking again, yes. It’s a soulful aspect of ego desiring something for someone else. Today’s session was focused on her three sons. I suggested using the Ark Tarot (Animal Deck). I cross referenced each of the children’s astrological charts with the tarot cards. Therefore, giving each of the boys their own animal spirit protector based upon their mask (Rising Sign), ego/consciousness (Sun Sign) and mother/genetic legacy (Moon Sign). 90 minutes later I found myself being soul-led to feel how inspired this woman left me. (from the soul’s perspective there are lessons for all us in embracing death). Had she not continued to work at her daily job (High school Spanish teacher), we possibly would have never met. Wholeness demanded that I mention on our first meeting that I began undergrad as a French major and presently I have more than 665 consecutive days on Duolingo (a language app). Knowing her nicknames for her three boys is a Stevie Wonder Overjoyed experience.


Are there still conflicts about this 40-something woman dying of metastatic breast cancer? Hell, yeah, I wanna have a talk with God! Yet, allowing ORM breathing helps me feel the divine work through me, Sue and Empower to reach this woman. She played a part of the session for her oldest son. As he is agreeing with his astrological assessment—his bright Aquarius mother (redundant, yes?) quipped–’you don’t play down or simply accept these traits—you improve, yor transcend, you do better for yourself and all of us!’ Deep ORM breath. My form transforms—in that moment I know she will live on through her sons in a way that will bring more light to them than any of us can scarcely imagine. What do I know, little to nothing? But, I feel an expanding heart that simply set an ‘flowing’ intention—there was even a joyous acceptance of the sadness that death causes. Parking spaces and screen protectors notwithstanding. The spirit animals these boys share are the joyous Hummingbirds, ‘in the pink’ flamboyance of Flamingos and the Christ consciousness of love and sacrifice promising White Peacock. Where there is grief, there’s also gratitude for what you do possess—and our animal spirits communicate this any time our egos surrender to our souls. Is the conflict resolved? No, simply rooted in our soul’s voice that shelters and protects us as we evolve.


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